Celebrating Valentines Day with an Aging Loved One

~ by Richard Sgaglio

Just when you think the holidays are behind us, Valentine’s Day is here! Some people think this is the most romantic day of the year. However, for others it can be a bittersweet day with mixed emotions – especially for older adults. 

We often think of Valentine’s Day as a holiday for couples. If you are fortunate enough to have someone to share February 14th with, that is wonderful and you should enjoy the special day. However, for those who have lost a spouse, this can be a painful time.

According to the American Psychological Association, about 12 million older adults over the age of 65 live alone, many because they have lost a spouse.  Valentine’s Day can magnify the loneliness older adults feel. For your widowed mom or dad, they could feel blue as they see others celebrating. In some cases, it can cause deep sadness, and even depression, in your aging loved one.

By celebrating together with your older loved one, you can demonstrate that Valentine’s Day is about all kinds of love, not just romantic love between spouses. This act may help alleviate some of their feelings of sadness.

How to Help

As Valentine's Day approaches, take it upon yourself to do something to help with this sense of loss. While you can't completely take away  the pain of losing a spouse, as this can be a normal part of grieving, you can bring some joy to your loved one on this normally difficult day.

• Send a card – Everyone loves getting mail. Encourage other relatives to do the same. Brightening up your parent's home with cheerful greetings will help bring reminders of loved ones who are still here.
• Pay a visit – If you live close enough, pay a visit to your mom or dad on Valentine's Day. There is nothing like a quick visit (socially distanced when necessary) to brighten up their day.
• Reminisce together – Use this special holiday to remember together the love that you shared with those who are no longer with us. Look through old scrapbooks, bring up gifts from Valentine's Days past and turn a sad time into a happy time of remembering.
• Re-introduce past celebrations – If the one who has passed away had a special tradition on Valentine's Day, consider re-creating it with your mom or dad. While you won't replace the one who is missing, this can help take the sting of grief away a bit.
• Do something unexpected – If you've been contemplating doing something special, like taking your dad on a golfing excursion or spending a day at the spa with mom, Valentine's Day is an excellent time to do so.

Allow Time for Grief

Grief can be difficult to watch, especially when someone you love is the one who is grieving. Remember, though, that grief is normal. Give your parent some room and time to grieve. Remember, we all grieve differently and there are no rules to obey. There is also no real timeline for grief, so be patient and kind.

Just be sure that you acknowledge the holiday. Do not ignore it, but talk about with your loved one. Visit, call, and send a card to help provide support around the holiday.

If you would like more information about grieving and loss, here are some additional resource for you to review:

• Camp Widow
• Center for Loss & Life Transition
• Grief Healing
• National Widowers’ Organization
• Webhealing

The information in the above article is not intended nor implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.